What we know already about Baby Mills (apparently)

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I’m sure you’ve already worked out how excited we are to be extending our family. Craig and I talk daily about our hopes for Baby Mills and what kind of parents we want to be. Obviously, right now we don’t know much about him or her, other than the fact they’re absolutely wanted and they’ll have a loving home, but the internet tells us differently; in all its infinite wisdom it offers us the ability to see into the future. As an excited mummy-to-be,  I spend hours trawling baby and parenting websites for competitions, blog content, cute toys, and advice – it’s therefore inevitable I’ve stumbled across some of this website weirdness…

OurBabyMaker.com

Baby Shrek

Baby Shrek

What a joke this is! The idea is to upload a picture of yourself, and your partner, to get a 3D likeness of what baby will look like. I almost cried when I saw this creature. If it wasn’t for Craig wetting himself with laughter I would have worried the whole way though my pregnancy! Don’t get me wrong, as long as baby is happy and healthy we’ll love him or her unconditionally… but I really hope Baby Shrek doesn’t become a reality (for his or her sake aswell as ours). Let’s face it – Baby Shrek looks like something from a bad made-for-tv horror movie. The way he’s bent forward makes it look like he’s clutching a machete in his tiny grip! And then there is the Rooney-esque ginger widow’s peak! I actually repeated the upload twice in case there was a problem the first time. But no, this is genuinely what a Chamberlain / Mills fusion supposedly looks like.

Let’s just say, the option to “Share the news” and post onto Facebook was declined and the website was instantly stricken from my browsing history. He really is the sort of baby you would hide under the blanket in public.

MorphThing.com

Much better

Baby Blue Eyes

Aww… I do like this one. Shame I can’t believe our little one will look anything like it. Baby Blue Eyes is simply adorable but she’s blonde! I know babies change dramatically during their first few years and eye and hair colour rarely stay as is from birth to childhood, but I can’t see me producing a golden-haired baby. That said, I really hope I do! Baby Blue Eyes has the most beautiful little face; nice and chubby cheeks with huge eyelashes and a perfect button nose. I looked chinese when I was born, with tiny eyes and a bush of black hair. In fact, I would go as far to say that I was an ugly child.  This little angel is the complete opposite. I can’t see too much of either in us in Baby Blue Eyes if I’m honest. I’ll leave this one to my readers to decide…

As an aside, I’d recommend this site if you are partial to such ridiculous pastimes. The photo uploader is much quicker and you have to outline each of your features in detail before the image is produced. This makes it feel as though it’s actually generating something clever rather than downloading something random from the internet.

And moving on…

So now we know what Baby Mills will look like, let’s focus on whether Craig and I have made a boy or a girl. This is understandably a very important question. It will determine baby’s name, the colour we decide to paint the nursery, and whether we buy cute little dresses or trainers in preparation for their arrival. How can we possibly find out before the scan?!

Well this time we can thank the Chinese! Apparently they’ve had this nailed for ages! In fact, the Chinese Gender Prediction Chart was supposedly discovered in a tomb, and is rumoured to be over seven centuries old. The original is said to be on display at the Beijing Institute of Science in China. For me, there is a note of irony here given the 1978 1 child policy – you would have thought they might have foresaw their predicament and taught their gender prediction tool in Chinese high-schools!

So how accurate is it? Reports vary of course, with some reporting greater than 50% accuracy (50%! well worth a look then!) .

So using the incredibly basic little matrix (I would post a picture of this chart but it’s so incredibly pathetic, it’s not worth plugging on here). I can now reveal that we are expecting… a baby boy! Given we have the name for a little boy already sorted, this really takes the pressure off.

So Jake Mills – welcome to your blog!!!!

Right I’m off for a lay down xxx

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