This weekend I skulked around Dexter’s nursery watching my Craig settle Dexter to sleep. I wasn’t spying I was having a ‘mummy moment’ and watching my boys having a cuddle. Dexter was fighting sleep and crying and Craig was soothing him. In response to Dexter’s whinging, Craig joked:
Come on mate. You’re not the boss of this house. There’s only one boss here and that’s mummy. She’s makes all the decisions, then it’s daddy’s job to pay for them
I grimaced. I know Craig was joking as he’s so rarely serious. He’s unoffical king of the one-liners and it’s one of the reasons I fell in love with him. But this one made me stop and think. I snuck away and mulled it over. It made me contemplate my role in our household
I really don’t see myself as bossy. I’m independent, strong-minded and occasionally sharp-tongued, but I’m mostly fair. I don’t make most of the decisions either. The truth is both of us are dire at making decisions. If we have to pick a restaurant, excursion or holiday, we both spend more time deciding than enjoying the actual treat. He surely wasn’t referring to this.
But then I glanced over to Dexter’s toy box and it struck me. Most of the the toys in that box, were chosen by me. The ELC sit-me-up cosy I was so insistent upon, but is rarely used; the Lamaze Spin and Explore that I was so convinced Dexter would enjoy. To the side of the sofa is Dexter’s Christmas box – it’s full to the brim with little bargains I’ve spotted online.
Then there’s his nursery. I chose and bought all the bedding and decorations without even consulting Craig. Even the canvasses on the wall. I bought them, chose the pictures, and hung them when Craig was at work to surprise him. In fact, I seem to have had a hand in every design / purchase decision in this house.
I’m not saying I buy everything – Far from it! Craig manages our household bills and keeps a roof over our head. He’s the only one with an Amazon account (which is probably a good thing) and I’m constantly sending him links of things to buy. He’s also forever running out in the van to collect something I’ve purchased locally from eBaby. If it’s a ‘big’purchase (furniture etc), we always sit down and talk about it – but the final choice is usually mine.
I will admit to being a ‘marketer’s dream’. I’m known to read magazines and put post it’s on pages with sites to check out, things to buy, and inspiration. Similarly, If I see anything innovative that appears to solve a parenting problem, I have to have it. Having said that I usually pay for these things myself so Craig doesn’t know a thing about it until it’s in the cupboard / toybox. I’m not a spendaholic though as I’m also quite disciplined. I have a ‘wish list’ of things I’m coveting but can’t afford. I know one day I’ll get them. It’s just a case of prioritising and waiting for the January sales. To be honest – with all the fantastic discount codes around, I can’t remember the last time I paid the full price for anything!
So I guess you could say, I am a boss of sorts. Far from being sad about this realisation. I’m actually quite comforted by it. Craig’s little quip is actually quite ‘telling’. He sees me as homemaker and avid parent ‘researcher’. He trusts my decisions and is happy to make the expensive ones happen financially. I’d go so far as to say that Craig enjoys providing us with things when budget allows. He is also a nurturing and loving daddy. If I’ve suggested a toy that claims to “promote motor skills and hand / eye coordination”, he won’t question it, we’ll buy it and both get on our hands and knees on the floor to help Dexter get the most out if it.
I don’t often think too deeply about my role in the home. I tend to just get on with it. Craig’s role is much more defined and structured – he’s the glue that keeps us all together. If he likes to see me as the boss, I don’t feel that’s a bad thing. All in all – we are quite the team.